As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
