Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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