fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize