You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
