So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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