Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
