I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
