so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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