my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
