i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
