FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
