She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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