i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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