WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Randomize
