We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
