Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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