i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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