4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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