I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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