I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
