Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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