Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
