All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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