Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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