$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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