Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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