The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
