What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
My life is pants optional.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
