I'm so fucking centered right now
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
