I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
