I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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