I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
