Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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