You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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