I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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