I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
it's great music for shaving your balls
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
