This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
