Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
