Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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