I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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