dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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