I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
