Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
