I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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