I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
i need some magic done to my vagina
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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