Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
