hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
