Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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