i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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