I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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