I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
