Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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