I feel like abortions should bother me more
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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